Simply the babysitter
by shatteredheartsbrokenlies
Summary: Popular guy meets broody lonely girl...girl and boy get paired for a project...girl has secrets, guy is curious, girl and boy form bitter sweet relationship...girl wants to keep somethings hidden...guy isn't always so nice...girl starts to fall in love...
1. English lit

**Here is some info for you that you will need to know:**

_Peyton sawyer-_ Is sixteen years old and is a junior at Tree Hill high. She lives with her dad who remains away a lot and like the show is the same broody artist with different taste in music and attire. She is not really popular and has yet to make any friends at her school. Being a loner causes her to lose out on the fabulous world of dating..shes currently looking for a job to keep some of her nights busy.

_Nathan Roe-_ Like Peyton Nathan is sixteen as well and also a junior. He lives with his mom and two brothers and is quite the looker. Everyone lives for Nathan Roes attention. He currently is in a relationship with another student Theresa and even though their relationship is rocky he has dropped the L bomb commiting to her completely. Nathan is best friends with his brother lucas, his best friend Tim Smith, and his close buddy Jake Jagelski... He also works at his mothers cafe any chance he gets. Making sure to help her out.

_Lucas Roe_- Lucas is eighteen and just about ready to graduate from Tree Hill. He can't wait to get out of the place and journey on to college. He is an arrogant one at that knowing everyone craves for him. Like his brother Lucas is a legend around town. The scott boys with their handsome good looks, incredible basketball skills, and they're famous parties. The whole world seems to look up to the boys and Lucas loves it dearly. He has yet to find himself a girlfriend even though he never wakes up with an empty bed. There is always time for a little fun. He is best friends with his brother Nathan, Best friend since childhood Jake Jagelski, and close aquaintance Tim Smith.

_Karen_- Just recently divorced to her husband of seventeen years Dan Roe has the love of her three wonderful boys. Needing help around the house and with her youngest Michael she struggles to maintain the cafe and be a devoted single parent. She is 38 years of age and is best friends to none other than Deb Smith (Tims mom) and is becoming quite friendly from a local mochanic Keith Scott.

_Michael Lucas Roe_- Michael just turned five and currently attending a day care center. He is super close with his mother and two brothers. But Lucas and Michael share a bond like none other. Even though the older brothers strive for the game of basketball Michael seemed to give up the love for the game after his Daddy left. Michael being at such a young age doesnt have any set friendships but is pretty close with Jake Jagelski.

**Chapter One: _English Lit..._**  
I walked through the halls clutching my portable CD player tightly in my hold. The music blaring from the piece of technology and traveling through my tiny ear pieces. As I listened to the words of Coheed and Cambria I felt everything the song meant. All the meaning and emotions made to create "Blood read summer." I felt the song touch my heart and rock through me as I continued the journey through the unforsaken schoolway. My curls blocking my site and my eyes gazed at the flooring I felt utterly out of place. I knew for sure I was yet to belong. My second year in and I had yet to make a true honest friend. "who the hell cares anyway. I'm far to good for these people anyway." I pondered to myself then giving a slight chuckle took in my surroundings. I was headed for last period class which others were doing as well. I had surpassingly made it through an entire day of this horrid place and only had to stick it out a good forty minutes longer. I knew I could handle it. Mentally patting myself on the back I came to plant my feet affront of the wooden doorway. Sighing and slowly turning the metal knob I entered the quiet classroom and noted just how many eyes were present on my being.

"Well, Ms. Sawyer it is glad to see you actually made it. Please take your seat and try to pay yourself some attention for once. I would like it if you could at least learn a bit of knowledge. What do you say?"

I starred ahead at Mr. Golding and just shrugged my shoulders before removing the tiny hidden headphones. Then looking back to my teacher I replied with a sly grin.  
"What was that Mr. Golding? I didn't quite catch that." The class snickered as he just gave an exhausted and disappointed sigh and returned back to his previous teachings. I brought my notebook to sit on top of my far side desk and acted as if I was writing his every word. As if I was taking in his lessons with simple ease but in all honesty I was doing the utmost opposite. Letting my pencil doodle across my paper I continued sketching out my latest masterpiece. What or who it was going to display at the end was beyond even my knowing. All that rested across the white page was a simple orb. The most glorious and mysterious orb any could hold. It was a beauty and held a perfect center sparkle. I never knew one could obtain an eye of such well curiousness but I'm guessing I viewed it somewhere before. If only I knew where. Running a hand through my curls and shading the perfect piece of drawing I felt a burning stare. Not knowing who would actually be taking time to gaze my way I snapped my head around. Looking to the ones most possible and soon he came into clear. Nathan Roe, currently the hottest junior present at this not so glorious school. The most arrogant as well. Him and his brother Lucas Roe have been known to be the legends of Tree hill. Top basketball players, top party throwers, top woman scorers. They were like gods around here even though to me they were nothing more than vapor. I never understood why everyone envied them. Sure I admit they are not so bad to look at. Nathan with his dark gorgeous hair perfectly gelled in all the right spots, his ocean blues that spoke out to you, the build of a city that any girl wouldn't mind touring, and the most radiant smile. Lucas with similar characters but instead of darker locks his resembled a lightly speckled blonde, his eyes a much lighter blue that almost showed his entire world, and a body of an empire. Okay okay so maybe I feel that they are both quite the view and maybe yes I feel my cheeks flush when I see them in the halls. But that doesn't mean I'm like everyone else. No, they bow to them. I, just like to gaze. Now back to the topic at hand. As I felt Nathan practically staring me down I grew a bit annoyed. What was there something in my teeth? A kick me sign on my back? what was his problem? Giving a roll of my eyes I questioned silently.

"Might want to take a picture jackass it will last longer."  
"Sorry baby don't flatter yourself. Maybe if you were paying more attention to the class and a little less attention to those stupid drawings of yours you would realize that Mr. Goldings got us paired up for the upcoming English project."  
English project? Great this should be a blast. I wanted to scream. Boy Mr. Golding must really hate me. Putting me with Nathan Scott. God it was failure suicide. How exactly would i find myself pulling a good grade with him as my partner? He could care less about grades. After all why would he. He did have a full ride to Duke no doubt. Only a junior and his future was already set. Noticing my silence i shrugged my shoulders and asked out.  
"So what's it on anyway?" Hearing his chuckle i glared at him. Laughing surely wasn't helping his case here.  
"Man you really should start paying attention a bit more. We have to study a past romance. One that is known. For example Romeo and Juliet. Couples that made an impact and put love before anything else. A couple that has more meaning than well..."  
"Sex?" i finished for him and he gave yet another laugh. This time though i felt myself joining in.  
"I was going to say fondness and attraction but i guess yours works as well huh?" I smiled as his face was lit up. God was his smile incredible. I even had to admit why other girls would fall for it. But they didn't care about everything else. They didn't ever look at Nathans inner demeaner and what i have seen. He really is the worlds biggest ass. Even though he surely is a hott one. Boy this surely was going to be an interesting couple of weeks.

Throwing the leather basketball into the air and once again meeting it halfway in a catch i looked to her. She was biting her lower lip and gazing at the list of couples Mr. Golding had listed for the English project. As she dragged her finger along the page i continued with my game of throw and catch. We had been up in my room for the past half hour. In silence all the while and many glances exchanged. This girl was bizarre. Far different from any other i ever met before. Her style in music and clothing by far was original. Not to mention her personality or should i say lack of one was quite disturbing. It had taken me a good while to even get her here. She was destined on leaving this project under her own watchful eye but suprisingly i wanted in. My grades had been slipping lately and even though im a sure win with Duke. I feel like i should earn my way in. At least keeping reasonable grades. So yes this rnglish assignment as much as i would like to deny was going to be a big importance to not only my career but also my life from now on out. I wanted to know i could make it with out basketball. That i could survive in the real world if i didn't decide to go pro. Don't get me wrong i love the game. But ever since... well a while back things changed for me and it hasn't been the same. With the game, with my family, and even with my own self. I feel like despite what people think and or the way i portray myself to be. I truly am changing. I hope its only for the better. Feeling the leather between my fingers dissapear i shook my head from my ongoing thoughts and looked to her. She was now sitting on the bed staring at me as if i was crazy. Holding the ball with her grasp she spoke out.  
"Suprisingly its glad to have you back. Now if you can keep that mind of yours from wandering maybe we could get some work done."  
Sighing in frustration i nodded my head taking the ball back from her and continuing my earlier activity.  
"Did you pick out a couple from the list? I mean we only have a month to get this whole thing together. And believe it or not i need this grade."  
"Okay okay... well I thought maybe we could... Alright so maybe they are not on the list but..."  
"Peyton just out with it already. Who the hell we chosing?"  
"Danny Zuckho and Sandra Dee." Peyton replied smirking and actually getting a bit excited. I thought for a moment. Nope i have not the slightest idea on who those people are.  
"Who and who?"  
"Okay so i'm guessing you've never watched Greece"  
Aha... that's why i didn't recognize those names. They are from some lame chick flick no wonder.  
"Not exactly Peyt.."  
"It's Peyton. Only my friends can call me Peyt." Boy this girl surely was something. Something of an annoyance. Must she always be this defensive? Jerky? Bitchy even?  
"So i'm guessing not to many go around calling you that then eh?" I noticed her eyes turn downward and her face fall into a saddened frown. Man what a way to treat someone i just met. Good job Nate go and treat your class partner like crap and just see how much fun you'll be having this month. Running a hand along my face i soflty began to speak.  
"I..."  
Before i could even begin to appologize her words cut through me. She looked to hold fire in her eyes yet they still resembled the sadness i had moments ago caused. As her voice came out she just shook her head.  
"Look whatever think what you want. Sure i don't got to many friends but for some reason i think that is better than having a whole flock that only runs to you because your daddy can help them make it big in the whole NBA series. Yipdee doo... I am who i am and if people can learn to like me then they ain't worth my time."  
"Peyton you don't..."  
"Look i knew this wasn't the best idea so i'm probably gonna head on out. Maybe you should just rent Greece and see what i mean. Trust me i think that will be a perfect couple to do this whole project thing on. You'll see what i mean when you watch it. I... I got to go."  
I felt so many things and not all were what I Nathan Roe should be feeling. Compassion, worry, sorrow, and guilt. I couldn't just let her leave. Let her walk away without knowing the truth about me, the truth about her statment. And above all i couldn't just let her leave after saying such a rotten thing to someone i did not know at all. Groaning loudly i quickly stood from my bed and reached for her arm. Turning her around briskfully i pleaded.  
"Please... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make a judgement like that. I really shouldn't prosume things when i really don't even know a thing about you or your life. Just, just don't go. We can umm... we can rent the movie together. Watch it and then make a plan on what exactly we will be working with. Come on you can't possibly expect me to watch some chick flick on my own do you?"  
A smile broke out on her face as i finished my long and pleading request. Tilting my head to the side, I raised my eyebrows waiting for her response.  
"Nathan Roe appologizing huh? That must be a first." Grinning at her reply i had to ask.  
"So does that mean you're staying?"  
"As long as we stop at the drug store for munchies i'm totally in. And just for the record. Greece... its not exactly what you would call a chick flick."

As i slowly found myself growing comfortable on the seating i turned to Nathan as the cast slowly started to appear on the screen and the movie began. Several moments into it i could hear the protest coming from Nathan and couldn't help holding back my laughter.  
"A musical? You want us to do a project on a MUSICAL?"  
"Not on a musical Nathan. The couple. Just watch i promise in the end you won't be dissapointed." Resting my head back I popped a few pieces of popcorn into my mouth. I knew for sure that this was the couple i was set on studying. Sure it wasn't on Mr. Goldings list but... they seemed so perfect. They displayed so much meaning and could truly make an effect. I also couldn't help but note how much Sandy and Danny were like us teen couples. I mean what they went through. The whole predicial remarks from their friends, the different types of people they were. They were opposite no doubt. One being popular and meaning everything to everyone, the other being forshaddowed and blantly left out until they come together. Compermising and making changes to benefit themselves. A true love not maintained on sexual appeal or sexuality in general. A relationship built on love and affection. Something that doesnt happen to much in the world of babes. Taking a lock between my two fingers i slowly toyed with it. My eyes fixated on the screen but my thoughts running wildly. I hoped Nathan would understand why this was our couple. Why we could fully bring to life these characters. As the movie continued i noticed how intently Nathan was watching. He had yet to speak. It was almost to a closing and words had not been exchanged. He just took the entire movie in and payed close attention. Full to the screen. As the closing scene came to an end we both shared similar glances.  
"So Nathan what do you think?"  
"That sure does hit close to home huh?"  
"Exactly my point. It's a perfect part for us. I was thinking instead of a paper we could express it a bit differently."  
"Okay but how would we do that?" Turning my body so that i was facing him i began.  
"Well see Danny and Sandy are a lot like us. Not us in general but our teen society. So why don't we do a skit. Almost the same but different on many levels. We can bring Sandra dee to life but instead of being an old fashioned quiet chasted girl we can do more of a broody mistreated and so misunderstood girl. One whose trapped being who she is. Not being able to find her way out. And craving the world of every other. But yet still fully content on being who she is." As i let my statement stand i watched nathans eyes catch the true meaning of what i was saying. He slowly nodded his head in agreement before continuing.  
"And Danny, Danny Zuchko is that guy. The main one of the pact. The one all others gawk over but instead of having him leather jackets and combs we can have Jerseys and basketballs. We can have him played as a top player. One everyone knows of around the town and adores. Even though they presume they know him and his feelings. A guy who gets looked up too and fawned over when he feels like he doesnt deserve it. When he feels like just because of a basketball score they think of him as a stong and perfect guy. When really he's breaking and wants to be free."  
I moved closer to Nathan as he spoke. His words caught me off guard and for a moment i could see deep inside his soul. He was opening his mind and heart to me just like i moments ago did and that scared me a bit. Why did i feel insecure all of a sudden? Why was i feeling a sudden rush of shyness? My mind was screaming with insanity as his words ran through my vains. This boy was so much like me. Despite all his B.S. and trophies he is hiding behind his lifestyle. Afraid of being who he wants and truly is. Lightly placing my hand on his shoulder all consciencness had flown out the window. I wasn't thinking anymore. I was too caught in the whole ordeal of it all. I felt my mouth forming words but didn't even know what i was speaking. It was just flowing from me like i've held it in for far too long.  
"These two, Danny and Sandy they didn't see what the other was feeling until they opened their hearts. They took a leap. One upon never returning from and decided that it was time to compromise. Bring together who they were and do it for themselves and their loved one. They put aside what everyone else thought. They were from different worlds? Who cares. In the end they seemed to fit perfectly. It was just meant to be." My voice trailed in a whisper as his face was moving closer to mine. He was merely inches apart when the words drifted from his lips.  
"Exactly." I felt my breath catch as i knew what was going to happen. I wasn't sure if i wanted to kiss him or not. If i was ready to let myself go there. Afterall this was my first real conversation with Nathan. My first day of even really greeting the guy. We were both too caught up. We were both letting ourselves completly go and one of us had to stop it. God i hoped it would be him. For i am to gone. As our lips crept that much closer and his hand went to reach tenderly for my cheek the front door was immediatly swung open. Quickly untangeling ourselves and moving far away as possible we both looked up to see Nathans brother Lucas, An older woma which i figured to be his mother, and a cute little boy suckling on his thumb. Smiling at the trio i stood to my feet as did Nathan.  
"Mom, Lucas this is...ummm... this is Peyton Sawyer. She's my friend from school. We have a class assignment together and... yeah." Smiling that he refurred to me as his friend i reached out and took the hand of his mother.  
"Mrs. Roe its nice to meet you. You have a really nice home here."  
"Oh dear please call me Karen. Thankyou i decorated it myself. At leats someone apreciates my work." she replied grinning from me to the three boys. Then turning to Lucas i offered my hand and greeting as well.  
"Hey Lucas I've seen you around school. I'm Peyton."  
"So he said" he remarked looking to my hand but not taking it into hold. Sliding it against my jeans i could feel my cheeks start to burn. Of course he would come across that way. What did i expect. Just because it seemed i had Nathan wrong doesnt mean the great Lucas Roe was just as nice. Shaking my head and then bending down to the young boy i asked.  
"And who might you be?" He just burried his head in karens pant leg before whispering softly."  
"Michael Lucas Roe." He was adorable. And from what he just revealed he had to be the younger brother of each Roe boys. His eyes resembled Lucas as his dark hair mirrored Nathan. He was such a cute kid. Following the same routine as i had previously i stuck my hand out in a kind tone.  
"It's nice to meet you Michael." He gave me a bright toothy smile at this and shook my hand tightly.  
"See even Michael knows how to treat a lady. Maybe you should teach your brother here some manners." I stated simply and sent a smirk in Lucas' direction. He just laughed it off mumbled something about calling someone names Becky and retreated up the stairs. Nodding back at nathan i noticed his chuckling and then Karen following suit as well.  
"Well i should probably get some dinner on the table. Peyton would you like to stay and join us?" What to say? what to say? Hmmm... i would like to yes of course. Getting to know Nathan more was something i would love to do. But was it my place to say yes. Say yes when i wasn't even sure if Nathan wanted me. Looking back at him with a questioning gaze he nodded his head and then spoke up for the both of us.  
"That sounds like a good idea mom. I was actually thinking of asking her myself."  
"Well then its settled. I best get to work." Standing back up in height i bluntly followed and yelled back.  
"Nathan i'm helping your mom with dinner. Be a good son and set the table will you love?"


	2. A dinner for comfort

_**Chapter2:** A dinner for comfort..._

As I toyed with the vegetables present on my plating I looked nervously to the family set around me. All eyes seemed to be fixated on me. Every being watching my single movements. As I placed a sliced green bean into the oral opening of my mouth I chewed it intently. Sure I usually ditched the whole veggie deal when I ate alone at home but, this was far more appetizing. Having a wonderful home cooked meal, eating with a real family. My heart rejoiced at the scene and even though I did feel a bit out of place this family life could be something I defiantly see myself getting used too. Bringing the water glass to my lips I took a long satisfying sip and then smiled up at them. Karen cleared her throat a bit and then began starting a conversation.

"So Peyton I haven't really heard much about you. Are you new here or?..." Yes, it was slight embarrassing. Of course she hadn't heard a thing about me. It was reasonable that she would even think of me as a newcomer. Nobody really ever took notice to me or my on the run father and it was understandable that they dismissed us like we weren't even there. Shaking my head indicating she had been wrong I spoke in a bit of shame.  
"No umm... I have actually lived here my whole life."  
"Oh well I'm sorry I just..."  
"Please Mrs. R... Karen, no need for you to apologize. Me and my dad tend to keep to ourselves. Stay out of others lives as they do with ours." Taking yet another bite of the fabulous dinner I looked to Nathan with saddened eyes. I felt a burn rise across my neck as his focus caught with mine. I new he could see beneath my act. I knew he could really see the pain that I've tried so hard to keep hidden. Shaking off the feelings that were seemingly taking over I plastered a fake smile and shot one in the direction of Mrs. Roe.  
"This dinner was amazing. You truly are a terrific cook. Maybe you can give me pointers. I am so sick of eating delivery pizza. Trust me its not all what it is cracked to be."  
"Oh your mother doesn't cook?"  
Looking down at my hands I choked back the tears. It had already been a good two years and still the pain was unbearable. Grasping a lose curl I started twirling it subconsciously as I gave my answer.  
"She... My mom passed a couple years back. A car accident. Since then its just been me and my dad. When he's not busy with work and all." Watching Karen's face turn in sorrow and show a bit of sympathy I cringed. I hated when people felt for me. When they pitied me. It really was something I wasn't looking all that forward too. But it was bound to come sooner or later. And just for the record, I had hoped it would have come later.  
"Peyton i am terribly sorry. I shouldn't have questioned."  
"Its more than okay. It's been hard but we've been doing pretty well."  
"Well, that's good to hear. And I'm sure your friends have helped you tremendously huh?"  
If that were the case i wouldn't be such a horrid person. I wouldn't have to put up a facade and fool the world in thinking i am simply a bitch. If I had just one good friend maybe my life could be better. I could be happier. Feel more alive and wanted. Moving the remainder of food around in circles along my plate I watched Lucas, Nathan turn their heads down. Its like they could predict my upcoming answer. They thought they could figure what would come from my lips next. Growing more and more uncomfortable by the second I pulled the napkin from my lap. Speaking I stood from my chair slowly.  
"Yeah I WOULDN'T survive without my friends. Umm I hope you don't mind if i use your bathroom real quick. Excuse me."

_(Nathans POV)_

After the embarrassing and horribly upsetting dinner scene I took Peytons' hand and lead her to the doorway. Stepping outside cautiously I walked full with contempt over to my favorite porch swing and gestured for her to join me. The night had just made itself known and the moon was shining brightly from up above. Swinging in rhythm of the sounding crickets I gazed to her. She was twirling at her blonde flawless curl like she had much through the night. A nervous habit I seemed to have note. As she did this her eyes swirled around the yard. I'm sure she was taking it all in. Mom did have a thing for decorating and even the yard was perfectly made up with all sorts of flowers here and there and all that other girlie shyt. Rocking the swing further I moved my hand to reach for her own. As I caressed her soft fingers she stopped her touring eyes and turned herself to me instead.  
"So sorry about the whole tragedy with dinner. I hope mom didn't upset you too much." A smile slowly drifted to her soft pink lips as she shook her head in dismissal.  
"It's okay Nathan. She was just curious. I think i dealt with it pretty well considering."  
"Yeah." I paused trying to gain confidence in my next statement. Never had I been nervous in speaking with a girl I was Nathan Roe after all. And even though Peyton was just any other girl she wasn't. She was far different. More important and definitely more real. Rolling through the pick of words I decided on using my voice broke out steadily.  
"Peyton I know we are not close. Hell I've pretty much blown you off all school rounds but uh... if you ever need anyone. Like someone to talk to or need a guys perspective on something, I can be here for you. Can and will."  
My finger caught the fallen tears that drifted from her hazel innocent eyes and I kissed her hand with actual care. She bit her lip and kept herself from full out crying while remarking.  
"Thanks Nathan."  
"Anyti..." The sound of a cell phone going off cut through my words as I reached for my vibrating pocket. As I held the cellphone up to my ear I tilted my head waiting for the other person to begin.  
"Hey baby guess who?"  
"Oh gee I wonder." I replied rolling my eyes.  
"Well, boyfriend I sure hoped you missed me. I've been thinking about you all day. I spent my day shopping. Grandma and Gramps spent have their wealth on little ol' me can you believe? I got the best prado kicks with the best bag and hat to match. Oh its so chiche Nathan wait until you see it. You will die from how fab it truly is."  
"I bet I will." Really was she being serious? On what planet do girls really think their boyfriends buy into all this nonsense. Provo or whatever kind of shitty shoes she got. Why the heck would I care what brand. And come now matching hat and bag? Could she be anymore dress me up barbie?  
"Anyway so Nate what have you been doing? Thinking of me I hope."  
"Oh you read my mind. So when you coming home?"  
"Tonight. I'm thinking of stopping by within the next hour or so. Aren't you just thrilled? We can spend all night together. I hope you have been saving your energy cuz you won't be catching a wink of sleep. Oh I just can't wait."  
And there it was. The reason Theresa and I matched so well. Sex. It was all about that three letter word with us. Whether we are mad, happy, sad, or excited we end up playing the same routine daily. Morning rendezvous, mid day tumble, and nightly rides. It never did change for us. It was always the same pleasing and satisfying experiences.  
"I'll be here baby. Hurry up. I'll be waiting." As I shut the phone with my closing statement I turned to her. My eyebrows furrowed in wonder as I noted her body no longer taking space on the porch swing. Bringing my eyes upward I let my gaze soar until catching a glimpse of her locks. She was getting into her car in much hurry and looked to be not so happy. God i had done it again. The great Nate screwing up a relationship before it is even yet to begin. Why had she left though? Scratching at my temple I rose from the swing and headed indoors. Oh well I'll just find her in school tomorrow. Right now i had to get ready. Yes, the night of fun I was going to have.


	3. Forgive and forget

_Chapter 3: forgive and forget_

**(Peytons POV)**

Lost in my music as always I slowly lifted the books from the top shelf of my locker. Cringing as I could basically predict what was to follow I sheltered my head as much debris filtered to the floor. I didn't even bother looking around for I knew all eyes were once again present on me. Some probably laughing and picking fun while others just shook their heads and continued on with previous conversations. Groaning I got to my knees trying best to gather all my belongings. I noted just how much crap I stored in my locker year after year and decided maybe now it would be a wise choice to clean up the metal cubby, make things more organized. As I nodded my head in agreement to my own thought I reached for my English book that was resting a bit further from the others. Just as my hands were about to take hold of the papered book another hand was quick in retrieving it. Wondering who had been nice enough to offer a helping hand my eyes traveled up the beings form until I sat face to face with none other than Nathan Roe. What a wonderful day I was already beginning to have. After everything that went down yesterday I was almost certain him and I would not be socializing again anytime soon. How foolish was I to even ponder this for we were partners. Ugh I would be stuck with him for some time now. Taking the school literature from his hold I gave a tight lip smile before rising to my feet. Someone always destined to make my day uncomfortable. I could never go on by without having at least one peaceful educational day. Clutching to the English book for dear life I swallowed hesitantly before whispering a soft thank you. Then turning as quickly as I could I began to retreat from his figure. No more than several steps away did I feel an arm take hold of me. A arm so forceful yet with much gentleness. Releasing an exaggerated sigh I brought my hands to my headphones and slowly moved them to rest around my neck.  
"Can I help you with something Nathan?"  
" I just thought you could use someone to walk you to class."  
Rolling my eyes I placed a hand to my heart while remarking sarcastically.  
"Oh well if it isn't my own knight and shining armor."  
Pulling at the sleeves of my shirt I looked to him expectantly. Waiting for him to continue or ask, gesture, or even just show some sort of humanly emotion. I could sense I was now making him rather uncomfortable and sadly to say I was enjoying the sight. The way his eyebrows furrowed in wonder and the way his jaw clenches as his forehead began to release several droplets of perspiration. Watching him squirm was giving me much satisfaction to say the least but hearing the bell I knew my fun was about to end.  
"I think I can make it on my own don't you think? After all it wouldn't be the first time I've traveled these halls solo."  
Slugging my backpack over my shoulder I easily made out the view of Theresa from afar. She was all giddy and gorgeous as always and once again I felt a bit of sadness. Those were the type of girls that guys were interested in. Sure maybe Nathan and I could have possibly shared a moment yesterday. Maybe we would have shared one intimate second of our lips gracing one another's but fate had brought his mother to come home at that very second. Fate had also caused Nathan's cell phone to ring at the opportune time. Fate was against me for reasons I was not sure. Biting the corner of my lip and hearing her voice call out made me realize something else. In my case where Nathan, myself, and love was concerned; Fate would probably win. Trying not to let my thoughts effect my demeanor I gave the fakest genuine smile I could possible muster and spoke in an accusing yet sincere tone.  
"Seems like you have other people to attend to anyway. Tell Theresa I said hey."

------------

I hated Pamentals History class. The man could put anyone to sleep with his drawn out vocals. Not to mention I wasn't all that keen about learning and studying the lives of pointless dead men. Why were we to learn this crap anyway. It's not like it would benefit us much over time. Not like we could possibly learn from the lives of the past. Scratching my head and looking around the chattering classroom I caught gaze with her. I hadn't attempted in speaking with her since early this morning and there was no excuse as to why. It could be the fact she blew me off earlier after I tried offering my helping hand. I mean damn she sure made it difficult for a person to show kindness her way. Studying her closer I took in all she was to offer.

Her black tight sleeveless shirt that curved to her body and exposed her pleasingly sexy midriff, those darkened blue hip huggers that held to her form so perfectly that made no little for the imagination to even wonder, and those bouncy beautiful lock of gold that sheltered her face from everyone around. It was more than factual to say she was a good looking girl. If only her person went well to match her beauty. Yesterdays conversations flooded through my brain as I tried not to show my smile. She truly was something rather different. A difficult case to crack but a mystery and boy did I love to solve anything with mysteriousness. Letting my classic smirk fall to my face I thought of ways to get Peyton to open up to me. In more ways then just her mind. Letting my eyes bore into her I reached for a piece of paper that rested before me and let my hand create the words across the page. Then ripping it and folding it over in attempt to keep it hidden I tapped my bud Tim on the shoulder and gestured for him to pass the paper her way.  
"Dude see that blonde up front?"  
"Oh tha hot bytch with the headphones?"  
Stifling a laugh I nodded my head and continued on whispering.  
"Yeah man pass that down to her will you?"  
"Nate you slummin? Trying to get extra Bootay from miss ice princess up front?"  
Grimacing at the way he spoke with words I shook my head and ran a hand through my jagged hair. Squinting my eyes and growing with much more annoyance I let my voice shrill with venom.  
"Tim just say... Oh never mind just get that to her alright?"  
As I watched him do as told I couldn't help but think just what Peyton would write in response. Or even well if she would. She was such a complexed person. Kind of like myself in a way. Watching Peyton accept the crumpled paper I looked on as she began jolting a message with little to no emotion. She couldn't still be mad about last night could she? Still I haven't figured what I did to make her leave. After Theresa had gone on home I had stayed up in bed thinking the whole days events over. I never did pinpoint on when she grew upset with me. But all I could think of was up to the point of Theresa's call. Could that have been it? Following the paper as it traveled from many back over to Tim I quickly snatched it away from him and made out her words. Reading the contents I looked back and caught her stare. The smile that now was lighting her face made my breath catch. I loved the way she looked as of right now. The smile that she never let any see she was showing off to me. Her teeth sparkled as I gave an innocent wink and her face darkened with color. She laughed it off silently before shrugging her shoulders and then focusing back on what she had previously been doing. As my eyes stayed focused on her form I felt a nudge to my side and turned to my girlfriend. She had a look of lust present and I knew from the way she was licking at her pouty lips what she was asking of me. Giving a look of want I took her hand in mine before feeling her body closer to mine. She had scooted on over her upper chest heaving into my shoulder and making my body react with heat. As she traced her hand down her neck and over to her chest my eyes were following suit. Groaning as she lightly brought her lips to my ear her voice came in a soft womanly plea.  
"Meet me in the janitors closet in five. Expect the time of your life baby." Biting at my lobe I nodded instantly and remained unfocused as she removed herself from her chair, excused herself to the ladies room, and bounced out the door. Leaving the note in its residing area on my desk I got myself together before bailing as well. Off to meet my girl for some pleasure. Off to get my manly needs fulfilled.

_Peyt it may have not been your first but surely was your last. Now that I'm in your life you'll never have to walk these halls solo again. I plan to stick to your ass like glue. Your stuck with me now girl and what a fantasy that must be eh? Don't be mad about last night. Just use tha old "guys are jerks" deal. Please don't show hate for your baby Nate. HA HA meet me after school. Your coming home with me tonight.  
-Nate_

_Coming home with you... Sounds horribly kinky Nathan. You know how to rock my world. I guess I am needed if we're going to get this damn project finished. Alright I'm in. Who knows maybe we can work on making my other fantasies reality. Sound good?  
-ITS PEYTON _


	4. Another let down

_**Chapter four:** another let down_

Nervously chewing the corner of my bottom lip I looked through the seemingly deserted hallways. It was almost eerie how damn quiet these halls were after school. Never have I even stayed a minute past let out time. But today here I was. This was pretty pathetic in my standards. Since when do I, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer put my life on hold for some guy?

_But he's not just any guy._

I really wish the voices in my head would just silence themselves for once. Nathan Roe was just any other guy. I swear I have yet to find anything differ that he beholds. But yet here I am waiting anxiously for him to be released from basketball practice and make his way home, with me in tow of course. Tapping my foot realizing he was already ten minutes late I scanned once again my surroundings. It was rather useless to just wait here right? Maybe I should just make way to where he is. Sure it might seem a little weird but what the hell did I care what the basketball players, cheerleading team, or Coach Durham thought. What makes me so different then any other girl to walk through that gymnasium door? 

_A whole lot Peyt. But who gives a crap. I'm doing it. I'm gonna go in there and get my man. Or well whatever._

Stepping rather quickly I made a dash for the wooden heavy frames. This was it. I was now entering jock world, also referred to Popularity world and off limits to chicks like me. Entering I felt utter confusion flow through my veins. Here I was expecting loud hollers, high pitch girlish screams, and the smell of manly sweat. But sadly I apparently missed the memo because here I was standing in a completely empty gym. No signs of any players, perky cheerleaders, basketballs, or even the famous pom poms that everyone loved so much. Hmmm this was kind of odd. Where could he be? He said he would be no later than four right? He also said I could meet him here if I'd like. I couldn't have missed him in passing?

_Gee, I don't know. It seems the arrogant jerk has proved himself to be once again. He probably just stood me up. Found more exciting plans._

No of course he didn't. I really have to stop thinking so badly of him. Nathan wouldn't just stand me up. I mean after last night and all the boy definitely needs to score extra brownie points with me. He wouldn't just leave and expect me to walk on all the way home. Looking to my watch I cringe. The last bus left an hour ago. My car is currently un-drivable and held up at Keith's Auto body shop for repairs. Damn I hope he's still around. God if not he best be praying.

"Nathan you dirty boy. Mmm… I love you so much."

My head whipped in the direction of her screeching voice. Closing my eyes tightly I said a little prayer of my own.

_Please don't let them be doing what I think they're doing. Oh gross._

Covering my mouth I almost felt as if vomit was rising with in. Why should this bother me? It's not like I'm some saint. Why would I think he was any different? It was then that it hit me. Bam like a ton of bricks. I've always thought Nathan to be some kind of player. A boy that hits one girl after another. Someone with loads of sexual experience but up until this point it has never bothered me.

_I like him…hello its completely obvious._

But I couldn't think that way. I couldn't let myself believe that I had any type of feelings for Nathan Roe. I just got acquainted to the guy for crying out loud. I don't even know him good enough to have any type of feelings for him. I despise guys like him remember? Ones that never gave a damn about me before. I'm not supposed to fall in the gap that everyone else holds. I'm supposed to separate myself from that kind of life. So that way no one has a chance to leave me. Like my mom did, like my dad does, and like Ryan did. But lets not think of them. Keep them all from your heart and push them in the back of your memory. Shut them out of your world and they won't affect you. It's a type of psychology that I use on myself to help me get by. Get through each day without totally losing it. Hearing Theresa's moans of pleasure I felt so much pain. I never though I would experience such a type of hurt. Finding a lose lock to toy with I began tugging gently as I quickly made way from the gym and ran out the school building. Entering sunlight I squinted to see if any existence was left. Nope not one soul remained. It was like they flooded far from this place as soon as possible. And really who could blame them? Shuddering at the thought of having to walk all the way home I removed my cell phone from my black backpack and dialed a rather familiar number.

"Come on please pick up. Please pick up."

"Hi,"

"Dad, hey do you think you can come and…"

"You've reached Larry Sawyers cell phone. I'm away on one of my glamorous business trips. So if its really important leave a message. If not leave me the hell alone. Ha-ha, oh and if its my baby girl Peyton calling. Daddy loves you sweetie. Sorry I didn't get to say bye before taking off like that. Everything you need for the next few months is in the safety of our home. I love you darling. Talk with you later."

"Get me. Guess not huh?"

Hitting the off button I couldn't hold back tears from bursting through. Dad was gone once again. He does this all the time and I just let him. Running a hand through my locks I sighed with frustration. What the hell was a girl to do now? See this is where the whole friend thing would be of benefit. But of course I can't even seem to make one decent friend. Wow I must really suck at life. Covering my face entirely with both hands I let out a rather loud and frustrated scream.

"UGH WHY DOES EVERYTHING SUCK SO FREAKIN MUCH?"

Hearing a cars engine and a gruff laughter coming in the direction directly in front of me I slowly peeled my fingers from my eyes and came face to face with his famous smirk.

"So I'm guessing you need a ride huh?"

As he lifted his eyebrows in a raise I felt like smacking that smirk right off his face. What was it that made each Roe boy capable of getting under my skin? Both in different ways yet totally aggravating to the likes of me. It was like they were programmed to annoy. Clenching my fists tightly I remarked back.

"Not from you. Thanks but I'd rather walk. I can risk the chance of getting kid napped, raped, molested, stolen, held up for all my money, beaten to little shrivels of life, taken captive, used for…"

"Damn girl you always talk this much when you're nervous?"

"I beg your pardon"

Man he knew just what to say to have an effect on me. He knew exactly which buttons to push and just the right things to make me tick. Never would I even register the thought of entering his vehicle. Even though my house was a good forty minute hike from here I think I can tough it out. Sure I might not be no jock or athlete at that. But I can hold my own. Wrapping my arms around my torso as the wind picked up I looked back at him sitting there completely confident and full of arrogance.

"Look little girl. I know your not that fond of me. And I can't say I hold all that much likings for you either, but the winds picking up. Rainfall is about to start any minute and i'm sure as hell certain you're not up for a long walk home. Come on just let me drive you. I promise I don't bite, much."

"Yeah that's reassuring."

Ripping the tip of my pinky nail I bit cautiously at it while wavering my options. It wasn't going to kill me if I excepted his offer. Would it? Sighing and nodding my head I displayed that I had finally given in.

"Fine you win. I'll take the ride."

Slinging my backpack over my shoulder I walked to the black escalade and entered the passenger side. With one quick snap I fastened my safety belt and looked to him. Maybe he wasn't as bad as I thought. But just like the other Roe brother he would probably prove my theory right and show all the rotten personality of him. Reaching for the radio I turned his slanderous type of rap music to a more upbeat rock flow. Grinning to him with acceptance I remarked.

"Let's hit it."


	5. if only to break away from this pain

_**Chapter five: **If only I could break away from this pain…_

Looking to the blonde that was positioned beside me I laughed eagerly as she bobbed her head up and down to the music. I noticed how happy she was and the energy she gave off just from listening to this one song. Squinting my eyes and taking in the words I raised my voice over the sound.

"What's this called?"

She cocked her head as if not hearing me then screamed as well.

"What?"

"The song, what's it called?"

I watched as she moved to turn the nozzle down just a bit then smiling she turned her attention towards me. Her smile was beautiful and her hair the color of gold. Damn my friends were right. This girl is fine as hell. Shaking off the thought I listened to her words spoken.

"Why you like it?"

"Its something I could grow fond of, yeah."

"It's the descendants. They're albums one of the best out there. Trust me I know they're music. I got the cd, and record back at home. I'll let you borrow it if you want."

Smiling genuinely at her offer I nodded. She just had this way of making me feel inside. Not that I was feeling anything for her. No she was still an a class nerd in my standards but still a very hot nerd. Tilting my head to the side I just had to ask. The question had been plaguing me since she entered the car.

"Hey why were you so sad earlier? When I pulled up you looked kind of out of it."

"Oh that, umm… nothing I just had a bad day that's all."

Running a hand over the steering wheel I exhaled and slightly whispered.

"Damn you suck at lying. You could have at least done better than that. Come on what kind of excuse is I had a bad day? Be straight up. What happened?"

I could tell I was breaking through that covering. It was obvious to see Peyton had this horrible time with opening up. She was so sheltered from what I could see and I even questioned if she was happy with the way her life was going. I saw the look of pain cross her face that I had noted prior to her appearance in the car and just as her mouth was about to form the words the tune of Gigolo from nick canon boasted through the automobile. Reaching for my pocket she quickly laughed at my choice of ring tone and slowly I brought the device up to my ear.

"Hello? Oh hey Nate, where the hell are you man?"

I turned to Peyton just as she looked back towards the window. So that was it. Little brother of mine found it in his power to hurt this girl. God was he an idiot or what? Here he was screwing Theresa for the mere fun of it when Peyton was available for the taking. And she could offer so much more than Theresa. Who could honestly make a good lay from experience but that wasn't the point. Feeling anger for the fact that Nate once again screwed with someone's life the grip I held on the steering wheel tightened. Man the boy could be a total ass sometimes. Ha who was I to judge. I mean I may not pull half the crap that Nathan does but who was the one who set the example? I paved the way and Nathan followed on command. Scratching at my head and letting out a breath I focused in on his voice.

"Dude I'm at the gym with Theresa. Has Peyton called home looking for me?"

"Uh… has Peyton called?"

Looking to her I noticed her immediate reaction and held up a hand before she could sound.

"No man she hasn't. Why did you two have plans or something?"

My eyes were intently locked with that of her own while sharing this phone call. I don't even know how I was driving without hitting another vehicle and yet I was managing. She mouthed the words of thank you and I just smiled back almost sadden. I could tell she had feelings for him. It was all in her eyes. I also knew the way Nathan was and knew if this thing progressed any one of the two things would happen. One, Nathan would carry on being oblivious to the fact that this great girl cares for him and completely ignore her emotions causing hurt upon her. Or two would be that he would finally see what she wanted, go for it, and then break her heart in the end after getting the thing he wanted most. But both ways showed little to no promising happiness on Peyton's part.

"Yeah actually I had said I would meet her after school and we'd ride back to our place. You know the project? But I got a little held up with Theresa and sort of forgot about Peyton. You think she's okay man?"

"Yeah she's probably fine. But man you really are a jerk. What are you doing here? You can't keep playing this girl. She's got feelings too."

A tear was falling from her eyes and my heart broke. God I don't know when I got so attached to this girl but I felt the need to protect her as of now. She looked so broken and I could tell more was breaking her than what she let on. It seemed as though far too many things were waying her down and I wouldn't let Nathan be another. Sighing into the phone I remarked.

"Look nate I'm not in any position to judge but what you're doing isn't right. Peyton seems like a decent chick and you can't be playing her emotions."

"Hey I'm not in a relationship with her. What the hell do I owe her? We're not even friends. She's just someone I got partnered with. What do you want from me? I got needs and Theresa's my girlfriend. I wasn't just gonna blow her off to do some stupid project."

She heard it all. Every word he said and each one stung me as well. I can't blame Nathan for wanting to be with his girlfriend. I can't even blame him if that's how he felt. He didn't know she was in the car and I'm sure if he did he would have never spoken such harsh words. But the fact of the matter was he did say all those things. He said them and she heard everything. Clutching to the phone I just said the words of goodbye and hung up. Then turning to her I stated simply.

"He's not as bad as he seems Peyton."

"Oh and you're one to talk right?"

The wall was harder and thicker than before and completely restored. No way of getting through it now. No point in even trying. Her face was blank yet again and she made it certain to clear the air of sadness or even joy. Looking straight ahead she just softly whispered.

"I just want to go home Lucas. Then I'll be free of both Roe boys."

--------------------

Turning the key to the front door I didn't even bother waving a goodbye when entering the house completely. Today had just been another wonderful day that I was looking so forward to forgetting. Walking around the empty house I felt everything explode inside. Here was my safety zone. At school I promised myself to never show them my weakness. To never let the popular see me cry. And I have kept that promise for the last three years. I wouldn't go back on it now. It was engraved in stone. NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU CRY. It was etched within me. But here I was all alone. This was my safety place and a comfort area. Letting everything in me spill quickly I cried silently as I trudged up the stairs. Dragging my book bag along I made way into my darkened room and over to my walls. Looking from one art piece to the next I cried harder. Each tear releasing a booming sob as I looked intently into each drawing. Then as if a force boomed from inside I felt sickened. The face of hers was that of my own. Everyday I had to look at myself in the mirror and be reminded of my mother. Ripping the drawing from the wall I screamed out and looked to the next. It was me as a little girl waving off a boat that carried my dad away from me. The girl was shedding several tears yet the father was blind to seeing her pain. Ripping that as well I looked upon the third drawing. This one hurt more than each of the others. This one brought me to heave forward several times disposing of nothing into the garbage can yet feeling my stomach still rumble with pain. I saw the blood that covered his face and ran my fingers along the paper. It came to me in flashes. Like I was watching a slide show of memories. I heard his laughter, then the shot ringing through, I remember their dark eyes that traced through each ski mask, and then I pictured the blood. It felt like I was reliving the horrible timing for the millionth time and as I remembered holding him as the blood drenched over my hands I looked downward. It was my imagination. I was seeing blood all around me. Covering my shirt once again, the flooring, and my hands. I began freaking as I have done a couple times with in the past while and with one click motion ripped my shirt from my body. Throwing it as far away as possible I ran into my connected bathroom. Looking to the mirror I pictured my face that night. Then I saw his. The cold stare of when he was taken away from me. The last goodbye he whispered. Crashing my hand into the mirror I brought a shatter to curse through the house as I finally managed to realize it was all just my mind playing tricks. My heart was racing and I felt my palms begin to sweat.

_Why did he have to leave me?_

I wish I had those answers. I wish I knew how to make sense of what happened that night. The cops said it was merely bad timing. We were at the wrong place at the wrong time. We were just two teens caught in the line of someone else's fire and a perfect victim of a crime that should have never taken place. If we had only left a few minutes then planned. Or if I hadn't bugged him to go in the first place. Shaking my head and trying to keep from blaming myself. I know there was nothing I could have done. Grimacing I felt a shooting pain. My hand had several cuts from the impact of the crashing glass. Huffing with all that just unraveled I reached for my white hand towel and held it tightly to my slowly bleeding hand. Damn why did I always let stuff like this happen? I always get so worked up and end up breaking things. Now I have to replace that stupid mirror. Hearing the doorbell ring I scramble to wrap up my wound and trot along down the stairs swinging the door open forcefully.

"Lucas I said to just leave me…"

"Expecting someone else?"

Feeling as if a frog had creped up into my throat I could barely stand to swallow. Wow this day had to be the worst I've had in a long while. First I catch Nathan and Theresa going at it in the gym, my dad decides by answering machine that he'll tell me he's going away again, Lucas pulls his crap and tricks me into thinking he isn't just some son of a bitch, Nathan blantly states I'm just some stupid English project, I can't seem to rid myself of memories of unfortunate events, I practically break my hand in my mirror, and now Nathan Roe is standing at my doorway.

"Some greeting you give though eh? Nice outfit."

Pushing by me I then realize one more thing. I am wearing my red lacey Victoria secret bra that hides practically nothing and Nathan has this grin that I oh so feel like ridding him of. Covering my chest with my hands I scream out as I graze my hand against my skin.

_That burns. Ouch. Oooh… Burn, burn, burn._

"Holy mother of… ouch."

I see him avert his eyes from my exposed breasts down to my cut up hand and a look of worry crosses his features. God the way his eyebrows furrow down like that makes every inch of me tingle.

_"Shut it Peyton your practically bleeding to death and all you can think about is how freakin hot he looks."_

Why is he staring at me like that? The look of laughter as he moves forward to take my hand into his. As he slowly grazes his finger tips onto my wrapped hand he speaks without looking up.

"You do realize you just said that out loud right?"

_Oh my goodness. Did I?_

"So Peyton you think I look hot huh? I always knew you had a thing for me. So what does it for you? My chocolate brown eyes, my athletic build, or my enormous…"

"Ouch! Damn it Nathan could you at least pay a little more attention to what your doing there?"

"Oh Peyt I'm sorry. Man what did you do to this hand of yours?"

"I…umm…"

You can't just tell a person you punched a mirror in your bathroom. I mean it doesn't come off sounding like your sane in the least of things. Plus it will lead us into unspoken territory which I'm not ready to talk over with a shrink let alone Nathan Roe. Plus we aren't even friends. Like he said we're just partners.

_"Why did he have to say that?"_

Sht why do I keep talking aloud? Am I that retarded? Good job Peyton now he thinks you're a freak and he is hearing you babble on about him. He's looking at me now. A look as if I'm hiding something. And he's right. I am hiding everything. I'm hiding my whole world from him and I'm not sure he'll ever be able to be let in.

"Peyt…"

"How many times do I have to tell you Nathan its Peyton."

Pulling my hand from him I feel disgusted. He's not aloud to call me that. It's only used for those who care. The nickname thing doesn't work for me. Not unless he proves himself worthy. Only one guy before him has ever attempted in calling me from that name. Ironic enough I let him. I never once argued his use of the word. But now I know better. Now I'm more cautious. Retracting my hand from that of his grasp I hold it tightly blocking it from his view.

"I can take it from here. Thanks for stopping by."

"Peyton look I'm sorry for blowing you off today. I kind of had something important to do, another commitment. I couldn't just walk away. I would be letting that person down."

Bull. That was one hundred percent bull. What a jerk. He's going to lie right to my face. Wow he's even lower than I thought. Why couldn't people just be honest with me. To be straight up and tell the truth. To say that they don't care. Or that they would rather do something else than spend time with me. Why was it always another excuse? Feeling as if I was about to break into tears right in front of him I started pacing.

"Funny thing, that commitment. You know I went looking for you after you didn't show up at my locker. I figured maybe practice ran late. And despite my better judgment I entered into that gym room. You don't know how big that really is for me in itself. Trust me that's the last place I ever wanted to be. But that's a different story. The point was I went looking for you. I wish I could say you already had pawed out. But sure enough you were there. The only thing was you weren't exactly alone when I found you."

"Peyton I'm sorry its just…"

"Look I don't need an apology. She's your girlfriend I get that you have needs. But I didn't think you'd exactly blow me off again. But its not big deal. After all we're not friends right? We're just stuck together as lab partners. You owe me nothing."

Saying the last part with a spark in my eyes I knew he understood. I had quoted almost every line he had spoken to Lucas earlier and now he was piecing it together.

"When you answered the door you thought I was Lucas. You were with him in the car when his cell phone rang weren't you?"

"I think its time for you to leave Nathan."

Walking in the direction of the door I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes so he couldn't see the pain he was causing me. It broke my heart to know he didn't care for me at all. Opening the door widely I gestured for him to leave. He looked a bit sorrowful as he went to reach for my hand once more. Pulling it back I shook my head before whispering.

"I can take care of myself. I'm a big girl and I'm fine on my own. It's really time that you leave Nathan. As for the project, I don't expect you to work on it. If you want a pleasing grade though you'll do your part. I'll work my ass off to do mine. We don't need to do it together. We don't need to do anything together."

"Peyton please just hear me out."

"Goodbye Nathan."

As his jaw began to clench I knew I had heated him enough. I made him mad and even caused him a little pain. I didn't want to hurt him but that was the only way to make him see what he was doing. As he nodded his head and began walking from my house I felt a ache in my stomach. Clutching myself softly I lowered my body to the floor and laid my head against the door frame. Letting tears fall I closed my eyes tightly and prayed for just a night of forgetfulness. Just a night where I could feel something other than misery yet I knew it wasn't going to come tonight. No tonight I would have to settle for a bottle of vodka and a couple dozen pints of ice cream to ease my pain. And that is what I intended on doing.

_Oh the fun i shall have huh?_


	6. damsel in prayer for her rescuing prince

_**Chapter six: **A damsel in prayer for her rescuing prince..._

**The room was spinning and darkness was completely swallowing around me. It was late. Later than I intended on staying up. The wind was whistling and I couldn't help shivering as I looked around the empty house. Being frightened never was in my vocabulary. I never would let myself feel such a thing. It's apparent I'm sure that I never let any emotion reside within me. It is the only way to survive. The only way I know how. Shivering as my focus continued to circle. How many drinks did I have? I could not even say. The only thing for sure was that residing on my carpet flooring were two empty bottles of liquor. My body ached as my head pounded with fierce pain. I heard whispers all around me. **

_Get it together Peyton. Don't go all scitso now._

**Some other being had taken over my sanity. I guess that's what several drinks can do to a person. And now I realize why I was never much of a drinker before. I hear a crash outside and it makes me hold myself tightly. I don't want to be alone at the moment. But who is there? I have not one person I can think of calling. My mommy is gone now. She went away to long ago. I miss her everyday and it tears me apart that she isn't here. A girl needs her family. Things used to be so amazing when I was a younger child. I remember as clear as day. My dad was around more. Grumbling at the thought that now something has changed I have a sudden urge in breaking something. Shattering something of importance. Bringing to ruin something that holds much valuebleness. Similar to the way my heart chips daily. It's headed for destruction. It took a huge blow the night Ryan wiltered away. Brought to nothingness right before my hazel eyes. Looking to the ceiling I swallowed harshly. It was nights like this when I wished to forget. Wipe away that part of my life. It happened a year ago and I relive it daily. My eyes begin to fog as I imagine him sitting beside me. The way his face showed of gracefulness, a gentle demeanor. His eyes a deep crescent blue, calling out to anyone that looked closely. I reached out a hand forgetting that this was just a figment of my imagination. I tried to feel the heat from his body yet I made no contact with his soft mocha skin. Then in that same very instant a shot rings out. A noise that's indescribable really. It pounds to your ears as your insides burn with worry. You feel your stomach twist as air sucks from your lungs. My eyes soar over him as his mouth opens wide with shock. He goes to speak yet all you can focus on is the blood that is now covering his shirt. Blood of his own. I try to shake my head. Try to make a move for the image before me. But nothing is happening. I can't rid these thoughts. I see another pair of eyes. Darker ones that hold a look of satisfaction. It wasn't an accident. They knew exactly what they were doing. It was a set up. At least that's the way I'm feeling. I hear a snickering laugh. It's funny because I never really paid much attention to it before. Was this how it was always played out? Was that laugh present the night everything turned gray? I feel like crying now. In fact I had yet to notice till now that tears are pouring down my face. I am still a bit dizzy from the drinks as I watch Ryan's face contract with much pain. He lets tears fall too as his body begins a violent shake. He can't leave me. Maybe if I had done something different it would have been me that night. Why didn't I jump in front of him? Why did he die just so I could still be here living? I felt my body quiver. I couldn't be alone. Suddenly I felt afraid. I quickly let out a horrified scream as I made a dash for the phone. Its two a.m. and I have no friends yet I don't care at the moment. I need someone, anyone. I dial a number I'm not too familiar with yet hope and pray for an answer. It rings several times before a voicemail comes over the line. I let out a loud scream yet start to speak into the phone.**

**"Nate...Nathan I need you right now! Please pick up the phone! Please I'm begging you Nathan come to the phone." I pause for a second while a sob is released and I groan out in frustration. A branch taps against my window and I raise my voice. "He's gone Nathan. I can't bring him back! Why did he leave? It should have been me! He was perfect. He was so much like you. You two would have been friends you know. Great ones I'm sure. He was so good to me Natey. He wanted to be with me. He loved me even though I'm nothing. Nathan I need you right now. I know I was mean to you earlier. I should have let you help me. I was just so mad. You...you, I know she's your girlfriend. I just... I don't know what I expected. It's just your eyes Nathan. They're just like his. I need you to tell me it isn't my fault. Because I had a little too much to drink and I don't know right now. God I'm so scared." Crying harder I through the phone across the room. He wasn't going to answer. He was not going to be my savior like I had hoped. Bringing a hand to cover my mouth I let go completely. Holding a pillow to my head I lie against the couches arm rest and hope maybe to fall into a slumber. At least in the morning everything will be back to normal. Hell I probably won't even be remembering this.**

**----------------------**

**I wake up to the sun creeping its way into my window. My eyes squint hating such brightness at such an early hour. I rub to my orbs trying to see clearly as I look to the right of me. The space that was occupied through the entire night was now empty. Sitting up I hear a rustling of water coming from the bathroom and note that is where she has taken off too. Stretching my arms wide I reach for my jeans that rested on the floor and decide maybe its time to get up and head down for breakfast. Tapping the door to the bathroom lightly I call my voice gruff from a nights sleep.**

**"Babe I'm going downstairs to get some breakfast. Just come down when you're dressed."**

**"Alright I'll be out in a bit." **

**Her voice sings back as she continues on with her shower. Smiling a bit I take off down the stairs and immediately inhale the wonderful scent. Entering the kitchen I see my mother at the stove cooking away while Michael sits beside her on the counter top kicking his feet and chewing on a piece of bacon. Walking over to join them I place a soft kiss to my mother's cheek and quickly ruffle the locks of my baby brother.**

**"Morning guys. What we cooking?"**

**I watch as she jumps up surprised to hear my voice but then calms and lightly places a hand to my cheek.**

**"Morning sweetie. Eggs and bacon sound okay for today? I have to run to work early today and I don't have time to prepare omelets or anything fancier."**

**Nodding my head thankfully I hold a plate. My mom did make the best food I would have to say. Her omelets were the best around but I would definitely settle for her eggs benedict and her famous crisp bacon. Watching her slide some of her breakfast delights onto my plate I whisper a thank you before lifting Michael from the counter and placing him on my lap.**

**"So where's Luke? He taking you to day care this morning?" **

**"Yes siree Nate. Where is your friend? The girl who sleeped in your bed?"**

**I immediately covered his mouth praying silently that my mother didn't hear those words. Feeling a quick smack to the back of my head told me otherwise though. Placing a hand to my scalp I turned a bit red as I shrugged my shoulders up at her and let an innocent smile play across my face. **

**"What?"**

**She of course just followed suit with another smack to the head and a light laugh to follow. I did have to admit I had a very cool mom. I mean sure she hated knowing I had girls spend the night. Many times she told me to keep my sex life hidden from her the best I could. She knew that she couldn't control all that I do in life and even though she never was excepting of things she tried to remain neutral on these topics. Lucas has this theory it's because she herself got pregnant at such a young age that she feels bad coming down on us for the things she too had done. It would be hypocritical for her to preach what she never followed. Sending a look towards Michael I groaned before lifting him from my lap and placing him on his feet.**

**"I thought we were going to keep that a secret bud?"**

**He smiled showing off his two missing front teeth before replying.**

**"I can't keep secrets from mommy Nate its bad." Taking my face in his hands he replied sternly. "You should know better." and with that last word of advice he was off to get ready for day care. Shaking my head and chuckling a bit I took a large gulp of my orange juice before reaching into my pocket. I hadn't checked my cell phone since earlier last night and I noted just how many miss calls I had. Thinking it was Tim calling from some lame ass party I rolled my eyes as the woman came over the voice mail service stating I had two new messages. Who else would be calling at such a late timing? What I didn't expect though was to hear a voice of sadness come over the line.**

_"Nate...Nathan I need you right now! Please pick up the phone! Please I'm begging you Nathan come to the phone." _**I dropped my piece of toast as I tried to make out the voice. It wasn't Theresa I was sure because she had spent last night with me. She wasn't anywhere else then by my side. Scratching my head my eyebrows furrowed as I began growing with concern. Mom had stopped what she had been doing when she caught the look on my face. Lucas just entered the room about to speak when he took in our demeanors and then slowly questioned.**

**"Whoa what happened?" Waving my hand off hoping he would take the hint I listened more intently as the broken voice continued to bellow.**

_"He's gone Nathan. I can't bring him back! Why did he leave? It should have been me! He was perfect. He was so much like you."_** who was so much like me? Who was gone? As I racked my brain Lucas continued on speaking.**

**"Dude what's going on? Who's that on the phone?"**

**"Shut up Lucas! Dammit!" I cursed growing annoyed. Someone was hurt sad and scared and begging for me. Someone whose voice I just could not make out.**

**"**_I know I was mean to you earlier. I should have let you help me. I was just so mad. You...you, I know she's your girlfriend. I just... I don't know what I expected."_** That's when it hit me. That voice. The desperate saddened girl. It was Peyton. I felt like someone had just hit be as hard as possible knocking any air out from my body. She sounded so desperate and it frightened me. I didn't know much about the girl but from what I could tell she was never one to open up. And if for some reason she was searching for me to be there for her. She must really have needed my help. All of a sudden I felt like a complete idiot. I couldn't believe how stupid I had been. Blowing her off to be with Theresa, walking out on her earlier last night when I could see something wasn't right, and not answering my cell because I was to busy being a filthy dog. Standing up quickly I averted eye contact with any around me and quickly grabbed for my keys. Turning to Lucas I screamed.**

**"Tell Theresa I'll call her later. I got to go."**

**"Nate man where you..." Before he could finish I was out the door. Jumping into my black mustang I inserted the key and took off at top speed. Placing the phone back to my ear I forced myself in swallowing as I heard the last of her words... **

_"I need you to tell me it isn't my fault. Because I had a little too much to drink and I don't know right now. God I'm so scared."_


End file.
